New store ‘whole foods’ opened up in my city. Im pretty amused by the kinds of things they sell.

verysmalldeer:

nevecampbell:

I just wanna s*** some d***

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL

(Source: divascreech)

unfollowryanross:

if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence


grimdarkthroes:

realslimcaity:

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.

The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 

He didn’t know the joke.

So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.

I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.

(Source: boiledjeans)

trcunning:

earthdad:

ok but give me one good reason why you wouldn’t date Kermit the frog besides that he is a puppet and a frog

I can’t beat Miss Piggy in a fight. She’s very strong and knows karate.


bewbin:

why are children so short? what are they doing down there?

ryancrobert:

you can just tell that Nicki Minaj is the kind of person that when you’re telling a story and everyone else in the group is talking over you, she’s making direct eye contact with you and paying extra attention so that you don’t get discouraged and stop mid-story